Let Me Be There
by magicaltragical
Summary: Julie knows how different her upbringing was from Matt's. It's why she's unsure of how exactly to be there for him. One-shot that takes place at the end of Season 4, Episode 4 "A Sort of Homecoming".


My second Friday Night Lights story, a shorter little one-shot that takes place at the end of Season 4, episode 4 "A Sort of Homecoming."

* * *

Ducking out of the way, Julie squeals a little as her father playfully tosses her ringing phone in her direction on the couch.

"Thanks a lot, Dad," she laughs, digging for her cell phone between the cushion where it landed. Good thing it's still ringing, or she wouldn't be finding it so fast. Her father smirks at her from the kitchen counter where he stands organizing through a binder of football plays. Sometimes she wonders if he's capable of slowing down. He's only been home from the Homecoming barbeque (the one he somehow threw together in just a few days' time) for like two minutes and already he is preparing for the next game.

She checks the caller ID, the display reading _Matty - Home_. Good, he's home from his stupid hunting trip with Riggins. As she flips open her phone, she stands up to make her way to the front room for a little privacy.

"Hey Matt," she greets, "you guys got back okay?"

The line is quiet for a brief moment, and Julie furrows her brow. Finally, someone speaks on the other line.

"No, Julie, hey, it's Shelby." Julie's body reacts before her brain does, her heart sinking into her stomach before it even occurs to her to wonder why Matt's mother would be calling her at nine o'clock at night on a night when he is supposed to be driving two hours back from the wilderness with Tim Riggins after being out there hunting for two days. Or to wonder why Shelby's voice sounds small and sad on the other line.

"Uh . . ." it takes her a second to find her voice. ". . . Hey, Shelby."

"Hey, sorry to call so late," Shelby says quietly. "I'm tryin' to get ahold of Matt. Is he with you?"

Julie relaxes, but only a little. Shelby isn't calling to deliver some devastating news that something terrible has happened to Matt, but there is something in her voice that tells Julie that there is clearly something up - something not good.

"Uh, no, he's not here," Julie tells her. "He's probably still on his way back from his hunting trip, and he was out of service so he probably hasn't turned his phone back on."

"I was afraid of that," Shelby mumbles, almost more to herself it seemed rather than to Julie. "Well, Julie? Can you do me a favor? If you hear from him or see him tell him to come home right away, okay?"

"Sure," Julie replies, that nervous feeling welling back up. "Is everything okay?"

"We'll just need him to come back as soon as he can," Shelby says.

Julie is almost blinded with a flash of horror, so she sits herself down on the couch by the window. Again, her body responds physically to the situation before her mind has a chance to catch up. But eventually, it registers that something must have happened to Matt's grandmother. It's the only explanation.

"Did something happen to his grandma?" Julie asks. She can't not know at this point. If she ends up being the first one to hear from Matt, she'll need to know. She'll need to be there for him. Julie knows that part of the reason Matt is in Dillon still was for her, and he may have used his grandmother as an excuse a little bit - but Julie also knows that Matt's loyalty to the woman that raised him still was another huge reason he didn't wanted to go off to Chicago right away this year. He is devoted to making sure she was taken care of - and that's one of the reasons why Julie loves him so much.

"No," Shelby whispers after a moment, and Julie almost misses it. "No, Lorraine's okay."

Julie sighs in relief, but something still is clearly very wrong.

"It was his dad," Shelby continues. "He was caught in an explosion. We just heard."

Julie closes her eyes and purses her lips to hold back the tears that have been forming for nearly the whole conversation. She leans forward, elbows on her knees, regripping the phone in her left hand.

"I'm so sorry," Julie says. _I guess_. What do you say when a woman's ex-husband that she hadn't spoken to in ten years was killed in action in Iraq? "How's his grandma?"

"She's . . . not great," Shelby says quietly.

"I'm sorry," Julie whispers. She sits up and her father is there, standing in the room's entryway. He's watching her with concern. At this point, she just wants to go to him. She wants to give the phone to him so he can deal with this situation and not her. Julie spends a lot of time telling her parents that she's seventeen and practically an adult, but right now Julie does not want to be an adult.

She inhales sharply. "If he calls me, I'll tell him to go home." It's all she can think to say.

"Thanks, Julie," Shelby says, and Julie hangs up the phone. She looks back up at her dad, lump in her throat.

"What's goin' on?" her father asks her, his words short and his eyes intense.

Julie sniffs. "Um . . ." She doesn't really know what to say.

"Who was on the phone?" He's coming to sit with her on the couch now.

"It was Matt's mom," she tells him quietly. "His dad died. In Iraq."

Her father looks away, his mouth setting into a grim line. He's quiet for a minute, before he whispers one soft "damn."

They're both quiet for a minute, Julie trying to fight off a lump in her throat. She doesn't really know how Matt will react to this. Will he be devastatingly sad? Will he cry? Will he be pissed? Or will he tuck it down, the way Matt often does, and just kick into another gear altogether and just take care of things like his grandmother and funeral arrangements? She's seen him do it before - ignore issues and put his efforts into getting things done until the deeper issues boil over.

She kind of thinks that's what he's been doing with her, for months. He's been unhappy in Dillon, but he's been ignoring that by taking extra shifts at Panther Pizza and bending over backwards to please that stupid jerk Richard Sherman with that stupid internship and by taking her on nice dates at fancy restaurants. But the last few days, there have been comments here and there indicating that he may have reached his limit of tolerance of Dillon.

So God knows what he'll do now.

"How's he doin?" her dad asks her quietly, regarding her with soft, concerned eyes.

"He doesn't even know," she tells him. "His mom called me trying to find him. He's off hunting with Tim Riggins. They're supposed to get back sometime tonight."

Her dad nods, and they sit there in silence for a few minutes. Julie isn't sure what to do next. Should _she_ try to find Matt? Maybe she should try to call him. But if he suddenly picks up now, then she'd probably have to tell him what happened, and she doesn't think she can do that. She doesn't think she can be the one. She doesn't think she wants to see him react to news like that.

Does that make her selfish? After all, they've been together for years, albeit off and on. She doesn't want to deal with Matt finding out about his father's sudden death, even though she loves him. She doesn't think she can handle that. In this moment, Julie thinks she must be the most horrible girlfriend in the world. No wonder Matt's not satisfied here in Dillon with her. She sucks.

Maybe she should have her dad call him. He would, too. Her father cares about Matt. It makes her cry more, though to think about how her dad is sitting here next to her to comfort her. Matt's dad is gone. He doesn't have this. But then again, he never really did. Matt's dad was never really there. And that makes Julie even more sad.

Her mom's voice is now reaching them all the way from Grace's room where she is putting the younger Taylor sister to bed. "Eric, will you come here for a second?" she's asking.

Julie's dad gives her shoulder a squeeze before standing up. "I'll be right back," he tells her, "and then we'll talk, a'ight?"

Julie just nods and watches her father walk back towards the hallway. The lump in her throat rises back up, and she tries like hell to fight it back down, but eventually she just lets the tears come. She can't imagine losing a parent. She's never come close, she's never really had to worry about it before. She realizes it's probably a fear that's been at the back of Matt's mind all along, considering his father was in the military and he was raised by his elderly grandmother and his mother was not around much at all until this past year.

And now he's going to find out that his fear has come true, and that he's lost his father.

Julie isn't totally stupid, she knows she has lived a fairly sheltered life. Her parents are together, and they're stable people, and they have never failed to love her and provide for her. She has never questioned her ability to depend on them. Sure, she hates how often they had to move around when she was younger for her dad's job. But her family life has never been questionable. And right now, more than ever, she hopes she never has to worry about anything for a long, long time.

She is pulled from her thoughts when there's a knock on the door. She turns around to pull the curtain aside, to see who is there. Offhand, she doesn't know who would be here. Probably one of her dad's football players in some crisis or another. Most of the time when someone shows up here late at night, that's who it is.

There is a figure on the stoop, but it's not clear who it is. What she does see, however, is the back of Tim Riggins' truck pulling away from the house. She's at the door turning the lock before she even registers who must be there. She wants to stop, and go get her dad or _something_ , but it's too late. She's already pulling the door open.

Crap. She's going to have to tell him. Her eyes are already welling with more tears.

Matt is speaking before she even has the door all the way open. "Hey, uh, look," he says, looking at the ground. "I'm sorry, you know, that I just stopped by, but I - "

He stops when he looks up finally and sees her tear-streamed face. Concern forms in his eyes.

"What's the matter?" he asks, definitely alarmed.

Oh God, she's going to have to be the one to tell him. She doesn't even know what to say. Why did Matt have to come here? Why couldn't he have just gone home so his mom could do this and not her? She cannot do this.

"Have you talked to your mom?" she chokes out.

"Why?" Matt wonders, searching her face for an answer. "Is it - is - is something wrong with my grandma?" Panic registers on his face.

He seems desperate for her to answer, but Julie is really at a loss for words. "I'm sorry," she whispers before choking back another sob.

"What's the matter?" he asks again, this time more desperation in his voice. It occurs to Julie that since she said "I'm sorry" he might be under the impression that they _were_ talking about his grandmother. Would that be worse? Julie doesn't know.

But she clarifies. "It's your dad." She breathes in deep and then she decides there's no better way than to just _say_ it. "He was killed." It comes out as no more than a whisper, but at least it comes out. His face is registering what is happening and she needs to do more. She can't handle watching him realize what she just told him. "Sorry. . . I'm sorry." She pulls him in, embracing him so she doesn't have to see his face.

They stand there for a moment, Julie refusing to let go of Matt. She does not want to see his face. She's crying, but she doesn't know if he is or not. She has no idea how he will react to all of this.

After maybe five seconds, Julie realizes that even though she's hugging Matt, he's not really hugging her back. She guesses maybe he's still processing the news. His dad is _dead_. Dead. Not alive. Not alive like she is, or like Matt is, or like her own parents are.

Matt pulls back, and he's looking at her. His gaze is not as intense as before. His eyes are no longer boring into hers, demanding answers. Now he's - she's not sure - angry? Hurt? Defeated? She can't pinpoint the emotion, really.

She hears movement behind her.

"Matt," her dad's voice calls softly, gently. Her father has an uncanny ability to sound unshakably tough and hardass but also tender and caring. Here she hears the latter in his tone. She turns around, and both her parents are there at the edge of the hallway. Her father's eyes are watching Matt with intense concern; her mom with empathy and sadness.

"Riggins drop you off?" her dad asks him.

She turns back to Matt, who looks like a deer in the headlights as he looks back towards her parents and nods erratically. "Um . . ." he stutters. He's looking back and forth between Julie and her parents. "I should, uh, I should call my mom."

Julie looks back at her parents, and her dad is about to speak but Matt cuts him off.

"My phone is dead, would it be all right if I used ya'll's phone, please?" If the situation weren't so serious, Julie would have smiled and lovingly rolled her eyes at Matt's unwavering ability to be polite no matter what is happening around him.

"Matt, why don't I drive you home?" Her father's tone makes it clear he's not really offering, he's ordering Matt to be driven home.

Matt is nodding tensely. "Oh - o-okay," he stammers. "Thank you, s-sir."

Her father nods, and shuffles toward the kitchen counter where he would have left his keys. Julie, meanwhile, focuses her attention back on her boyfriend. She reaches up to rub his back, but he pretty much doesn't even seem to notice. Matt is gripping the backpack strap on his shoulder, looking towards the floor. She can see he's lost in thought, but she can't being to guess what he's thinking exactly.

When her father reappears from around the corner, her mother follows him to the foyer where she and Matt are standing. Her mom hugs him.

"I'm so sorry, Matt," she whispers while rubbing motherly circles on his back. She then pulls back, leaving her hands on his shoulders. "You let us know if you need any help, okay?"

Julie nods helplessly in agreement from beside her mom.

Matt nods that same vigorous yet distracted nod he nodded earlier.

"Come on, Matt," her dad says as he pulls the still-slightly-ajar front door open wider. "Let's getcha home."

"Wait," Julie whispers. She can't just let him go without letting him know again that she loves him. She grabs his arm gently and pulls him back in for another hug. "I love you, Matt, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

He looks at her and nods again, this time just one slow nod that barely acknowledges her. Her father is nodding his head back towards the door, indicating to Matt that it's time to go. Matt slowly shuffles out the door that her dad is holding open for him, not even looking back.

Julie's dad looks back, though. He nods right at her and looks at her mother before saying "I'll be right back." He then follows Matt, shutting the door behind him, leaving Julie and her mother alone in the now silent house.

She looks at her mom; she knows her eyes are still full of tears and her face is still stained with the ones she's already shed. Her mom does exactly what she would guess her mom would do - she pulls Julie into a tight hug.

"I didn't do anything," Julie sobs into her mother. When did she start crying again? "I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say."

"Oh honey," her mom squeezes her tighter. "It's okay. Matt will be okay, and you did fine. He knows you're there for him."

Julie sniffs and pulls away from her mom. "Maybe I should go with them." She starts for the door. "I should go and just sit with him in the car."

Her mom immediately puts a firm hand on her shoulder, stopping her while her hand is about to open the front door.

"No, honey, you just let your dad take him home," she says softly, pulling her back and throwing an arm around her. "You can call him tomorrow morning, I'm sure he'll want to hear from you."

Will he? He didn't even really acknowledge her while he was here. Did he even care what she had to offer for comfort?

 _Oh my God,_ she thinks to herself, _stop being so selfish._ Matt's dad just _died_ , that's what's important. Matt's well-being is what is important here, not her own feelings and not her own ability to comfort him. _This is not about you,_ she tells herself.

The grown-up, mature half of her is really grateful for her own father. And not just because she doesn't have to imagine what Matt's going through since her own father is a stable, consistent part of her life who is also currently alive. She's also grateful for him because he has a relationship of his own with Matt, being his former coach and everything. It used to be so annoying sometimes, dating a player of her father's. Matt was always wanting her father to like him. Which was good, except sometimes it just seems like Matt was afraid to do anything at all that might piss off her father, even if it was something that would make her happy.

But now, Julie knows she's not equipped to handle Matt's current situation. Her father is. And Matt respects her father and her father has sometimes been more of a father to Matt than his own now-dead father has. So there's part of her that is so incredibly glad her father is who he is right now, because the part of her that just wants Matt to be okay no matter who it is that's there for him - her or someone else.

On the other hand, there's the part of her that loves Matt for herself and that is maybe a little less mature, and that part of her so desparately wants to be the one to provide comfort to him. That part of her tried as hard as she could as soon as she opened that door to reveal Matt standing on her porch. And that part of her was a little disappointed when her efforts went largely unnoticed.

Julie knows it's wrong. She knows it's petty and horrible of her. Her mom leads her back to the living room where she started these horrible last ten or so minutes. The television is still flickering quietly, someone must have muted the volume at some point. She throws herself back onto the sofa and her mother plops down beside her. She sniffs; she can't seem to stop crying.

"You all right?" her mother asks her quietly. She can feel her mother's hand brushing some of her long, blonde hair over her shoulder.

Julie wipes her eyes. "I just can't imagine," she cries softly.

Her mother hugs her, tightly. It's comforting, although she'll never admit it. But she leans into her mom's warm and loving embrace just the same.

This isn't the first time, but her heart breaks a little because she knows that Matt has never really had this. Sure, he has his grandma who has always been there for him, but she hasn't been really able to provide a lot of support to him pretty much since he was in middle school. He hasn't had a mother he trusts enough to be able to turn to for comfort and support whenever he needed. Or a father who was around to take care of things so that Matt didn't have to.

Her parents drive her absolutely insane, and she hates when they go overboard and don't even _try_ to let her be an adult - but she would rather have things this way than the alternative.

She's seventeen. And she knows that she and Matt - her sweet, loving, funny, dorky, wonderful Matt - grew up very differently. She's one hundred percent aware that Matt had to learn to be an adult way too early in his life - while she grew up with two parents who made sure she was taken care of.

Julie wants so badly to be there for Matt and to show him how much she loves him while goes through whatever it is he's about to go through. But she's not stupid. She knows she doesn't have the slightest idea what he's going through and that she'll never know the right words to say to help him. She wishes she could be enough to take away his pain, but a big part of her knows that she won't be.

And that scares the crap out of her. Matt's already been a little distant from her lately. In the back of her mind, Julie already feels like she might lose him soon. She already feels like it's clear that she's not enough for him. She's known that since before all this happened tonight.

That won't stop her from trying, though. She closes her eyes, her head on her mother's shoulder. The most important thing, she realizes, is that Matt is okay. And she knows she is not equipped to help him be okay, as much as she hates it. So ultimately, she is okay with her dad taking care of Matt tonight. She'll be there for him tomorrow. And over the next few days, she'll do whatever he needs. Even if all she can do is find someone more capable than her to help.

There is so much about Matt's life that Julie just doesn't know. She hates how much of him there is that she cannot relate to. But at least for the moment, she thinks of him and she knows how lucky she is to have the family she has.


End file.
